So just a week back in Kolkata and I am not really processing much. I think I am a little on overload after 3 and half weeks in the states. Sometimes it is really hard to leave Kolkata because you have to come back and it smacks you in the face again what it is you really do and why it is you really want to give your life for it.
So I am asking myself those hard questions. The ones like “Why am I here?” “Does it make a difference?” “Is is worth the cost?” “Where is the kingdom coming today cause I do not see it?” The answers always come slowly during re-entry. They come out of surprised engagements…
A couple days after getting back I got a call from Gita and she asked me to come meet and discern if the boy she wanted to marry was a good choice. It was a little worrisome since a couple months before Gita declared that she would never get married but I am sure these were just the rantings of a hurt 18 year old girl. So we go to Gita's house and I realize the honor she has given me and the trust she has placed in me. She wants me to discern her future with a boy who has no job, no legal documentation of his personhood and no place to live really as he is estranged from his own parents. So I sit with Upendra and Gita's uncle and discuss this boy and we interview him and ask him questions. We talk with Gita's mom and we decide it is not a good match….this might seem obvious to you based on his qualifications but it was hard to hold a girls heart in my hands. We asked Gita to wait and to remember her dreams, the ones that God has given her…it was profound as I reflected on my own fear about her marrying this boy. What could happen to her? How she could be abandoned or worse, sold by a boy just like the one wants to marry her…and the weight of the gift she honored me with by including me in the decision. I am her didi (her big sister). She trusts me, loves me and wants me to speak into her life. Gita is my community, my family, my little sister. I hope one day I can return the honor of letting her speak into my life in the same way. Gita is worth the cost. The kingdom is coming and will come in fullness in her life.
The answers are coming out of harsh reality. While I was in the states three of the women who have been with us the longest left Sari Bari. They left of their own accord after their attempts to manipulate and control the staff failed. It is heart breaking to see them take this detour on their road to freedom. And even more profoundly difficult to be the one to say, I am sorry I can not come after you right now but I hope someday soon. I see that this is why I am here long term…because this is long walk and many will take detours from it. But we as a community in Kolkata must walk it for these women so that when they are ready, they can come home and we can be there to welcome them. As Phileena Heuertz said to me so many years ago in Nepal, “Who will go (with all that you know), if you don't?” Who will pursue those lost ones and bring them to safetly once again. I can not doubt God's goodness or that these women, these beautiful, profoundly amazing but deeply wounded women will one day be whole, healed and redeemed. But it does hurt, it hurts a lot when see years of love and work walk away. But I reminded of the image of the father of the prodigal, irreverantly lifting his robes and running at full speed to his returning lost child. And just as the father of the prodigal let his son go but was the first to run to greet him at his return, I hope to be the first to run to greet these ladies when they return. The women who have been lost and the ones who remain are worth the cost and I have seen so much transformation and new life with my own eyes. I believe the Kingdom will come…
Still more answers to find and more questions to ask but what remain is the gift of hope that the father has placed in my heart. My mom gave me the verse Romans 15:13 as I poured out my broken heart to her last night and I will end this letter with these great words of blessing…
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Be well and blessed my friends. We serve a God of Hope. Let nothing detour you from walking into His arms of Love because he waits for you just as He waits for our lost friends here in Kolkata.
Love ,
Sarah