'My' Servant Team

Reflections by Laura Tucker, Brazil Servant Team Member

9.2.05
There was a hurricane in New Orleans and apparently it’s chaos.  It sounds like the end of the world.  I’m so frustrated and confused by all this pain, there and here in Rio. God’s heart must always be broken by what happens down here on Earth. There are so many capable, blessed followers of Jesus, if only they could see past their comforts, to find abundant life sitting on the dirty ground with a street kid. 

Tonight in Lapa I got to hold one of the girl’s week or so-old baby. He is so precious, and as I rocked him I prayed silent prayers, that he would have hope and love, that he would know Jesus. 

9.14.05
This morning I went to Missionaries of Charity with Emily. One of the sisters asked me to help her with the laundry. As I stood there with the strong smelling disinfectant-water up to my elbows I found myself thinking about the sisters there, about their response to Jesus and in response to that, their commitment to the men who live in that home. They have left family, home, most of them their country, to live with homeless men who would otherwise be left on the streets unable to care for themselves. I was awed by their obedience, for their quiet servitude.

9.18.05
This morning I read Psalm 139 all about how God made me and knows me and all my complexities and His thoughts for me are precious and more innumerable than grains of sand.... and the music I was listening to while I was reading it kept saying “He needs you he loves you he holds you he knows you.” 

I think I try so much to love people and to allow God to pour into me through his word and spending time with him, but I fail to reflect on something so important: His enormous love for me. It’s so easy to get caught up in sharing that love, but how do I share it when I’m not recognizing it myself? So, this morning God reminded me that He loves me and hears me….  

9.26.05
In Lapa tonight Ben brought down a cake for one of the girls, who ended up not being there.  However, how can you bring down a cake and not find a reason to celebrate, so we did….  The kids sang “Happy Birthday” to no one in general and then devoured the cake, even drinking the sweetened condensed milk used to ice the cake. That same night I “taught” C to dance, box stepping and swing dancing our way around the underneath of the arch. I find myself experiencing so much joy in my time under those arches… I think this is a glimpse of what Jesus said when he promised abundant life: dancing with street boys under aqueducts after enjoying birthday cake for no one specific.

10.10.05

“We will sing out, as we go on, ‘our God is faithful!’” –Bethany Dillon

Emily and I were listening to the song “Exodus” tonight when we got home, one that always gives both of us the urge to dance. So tonight, just the two of us, we gave in to that urge. We sang out, to our Lord, that He is faithful, that He rescues His children, singing at the top of our lungs and swinging around our tiny living room…

“Exodus” Bethany Dillon

Come, come fallen ones
Dance in the healing stream
He has faithfully kept you
Brought you out of captivity

Rejoice, rejoice with all your hearts
Sing Him a new song
That’s heard high on the windswept mountains
It will resound

Lead, Lord, with unfailing love
Those that You have ransomed
And we will sing out as we go on
Our God is faithful
Our God is faithful

Reflect, reflect on all your days
You weren’t so free then
Once you were all called slaves
But now, blessed children

Move, move your feet
Dance before the Lord
On to the Promised Land
On to your reward, sing

Lead, Lord, with unfailing love
Those that You have ransomed
And we will sing out as we go on
Our God is faithful
Our God is faithful

Our enemies are at the bottom of the sea, our enemies
Our enemies are at the bottom of the sea, our enemies

Lead, Lord, with unfailing love
Those that You have ransomed
And we will sing out as we go on
Our God is faithful
Lead, Lord, with unfailing love
Those that You have ransomed
And we will sing out as we go on
Our God is faithful

10.12.05
Things are going very well. I really just am falling in love with these kids. Last night we had a prayer vigil in honor of Dia de Criancas (Children’s Day) today. I got up at 3 a.m. and went out on the veranda and it was so neat -- there were some candles and some pictures of the kids in Lapa and a list of names of all the kids in our lives here. I was just crying out to God that he would pour his love into their lives, show them that they are special. God’s precious thoughts for each of us are more innumerable than grains of sand--I can’t even count the grains of sand left on me from the beach today! My desire is for each of these kids to know that love, to know that they are who the Lord says they are, not this world, the police, the city, their families, the drug dealers. I long for them to have hope, to have dreams and innocence like children should, to not use and sell drugs, to love being home and feel safe there. God is powerful and He is faithful. I am trusting that he will bring justice into their lives and bless them with so much love. I pray for C, God is really working in his heart- showing him that drugs and the streets are not the only way, that he has hope and a future all of the precious ones we have come into relationship with.

11.10.05
Coming back into the city after our retreat my heart leapt and I felt a sense of urgency to be with my friends on the streets as much as possible, to leave them with the aroma of Christ and the knowledge that they are precious children of God. Our first night back in Lapa was one of my favorite nights of our whole time here thus far, sitting around under an arch singing “Livin’ la Vida Loca” -- or at least the parts we could remember....  I laughed to myself at how much joy that night gave me- that that night showed me what Jesus meant by abundant life in Him, me sitting under an arch in Lapa singing old pop songs with kids I have fallen in love with. I just pray for more of those precious times in the few weeks I have left here.

11.11.05
Tonight I was reading 2 Corinthians 2. Verses 15 and 16 talk about the fragrance of Christ that it is a sweet perfume to those that are being saved. I immediately thought of my friends in Lapa, who embrace us so readily, that our presence, the presence of Christ, is a sweet perfume to them because they are being saved.  I pray this is true. Thank you for the love I have for them, for the blessing they are in my life, Lord.

11.26.05
I was just reading Good News About Injustice and listening again to Jars of Clay “He.” This is what spoke to my heart: “He has suffered through this brutal injustice with (him), he has heard (him) cry and sees (his) suffering.” Again the chorus in “He,” “He sees you, He loves you, needs you, protects you” struck a chord with me, but this time in thinking about my friend here who is now in prison. I imagine him fearful but not able to cry to protect his image. I was also thinking that God has taken time to remind me of his love- what a treasure that is- in order that I may then turn to the kids and share it. He spoke to me through that song, for me and then for my friends. 

“He” Jars of Clay

Don’t try to reach me, I’m already dead / The pain when it grips me, for things that I’ve done / Well, I try to make you proud / But for crying out loud / Just give me a chance to hide away / Exhaustion takes over, will this someday be over?

Fearful tears are running down / The pain you’ve laid, don’t speak a sound / Don’t take my heart away from me /And they think I fell down, again

Daddy, don’t you love me / then why do you hit me / And Momma don’t you love me / Then why do you hurt me / Well, I try to make you proud / But for crying out loud / Just give me a chance to hide away / Exhaustion takes over, will this someday be over?

Fearful tears are running down / The pain you’ve laid, don’t speak a sound / Don’t take my heart away from me / And they think I fell down

A teardrop falls from up in the heavens / Drowning the sorrow of angels in high / For the least of the helpless, the hopeless, the loveless / Your Jesus, His children, He holds in His eyes

He loves you, He sees you, He knows you, / Protects you, He needs you, He holds you...

12.7.05

A couple of weeks ago one of the street boys was talking to a couple of our teammates. In the midst of conversation about family and friends, he said, “I’ve got nobody.  I’m alone in this world.” A few days later he came over on a Sunday night for his first time to have dinner and go with us to church. That night we sang a song whose chorus says “Há esperança pra você”- there is hope for you. As I sat there, singing that song, I prayed that those words would echo in his heart, that he would know he is not alone, that he has people and a God who love him, see him, need him.

Those words have stuck with me in my times in Lapa, spending time with Sandro, who sings rhymes to me, with the street babies, who sleep in my arms while his mom sniffs glue and passes out on the sidewalk, with Michel, as tears run down his face during each worship song at church.  God has shown me the hope that these kids have when they encounter Him. C went home, he is working and going to school. He has seen that hope and run after it. 

Last Sunday one of the boys came back for another round of dinner and church with the gringos. We were talking. He said, “I will never forget you. Will you forget me?”  “Nunca,” I replied - never. And that is the truth. Each of the kids God has allowed me to know, to spend time with and to love have impacted me in ways I still have yet to pinpoint, but the fact remains that I will never be able to forget them, and wouldn’t want to.